Today I read an article that someone shared from The Mighty and the lady talked about her OCD compulsions like switching the lights on and off and then she went onto to talk about Pure OCD and that despite having an OCD diagnosis she had no idea that the intrusive thoughts around harm to others was an OCD symptom. She talked about looking online and finding an article on The Mighty that talked about someone else that was suffering with the same horrible thoughts she had. She expressed how this article she had found brought her to tears because for the first time in 20 years she didn’t feel completely isolated and realised that this was part of her OCD and these thoughts were actually really common themes in OCD.
I was so pleased to read she had then opened up to her husband for the first time and then was able to open up to close friends. Lately the secondary fears have crept back in even though I know that’s what they are. The ‘What if I am judged?’, ‘What if I am misunderstood’ and all those ‘what ifs’ and so I have taken a step back as mentioned in my previous post and despite knowing I was avoiding things like posting blogs I am still in that space of worrying. So I took down my facebook platform and withdraw my contact details from other advocates and I very nearly deleted some posts from here. There were a few things that built up that led me to that decision but it was mainly the ‘what ifs’ running the show again.
The reason I mention this is because in the article this lady wrote, she had a hyperlink where she mentions this article she had found and so I clicked the link and it took me a second, but there was my name! It was the article I shared on my deepest darkest OCD themes. Here it is titled ‘The story OCD didn’t want me to write’ but The Mighty changed the title in the editing process so it took me a second to realise but there was my name as the author. It was my article this lady had read that broke her 20 years of feeling isolated! The very article that I nearly deleted out of fear of judgment from others and fear of misunderstanding. The very article that I poured every ounce of my soul into and that discussed the most difficult part of my OCD that broke me. This article was the hardest thing I had ever written and I have been worried about it being out there because of the stigma but something made me keep it online and I am now so so thankful I did.
My aritcle reached out to someone, and my story gave comfort to someone in their time of need. Someone who I don’t know, have never met, read my words and my story helped them. I am so thankful they shared their story too because their words have given me confidence in myself, confidence that even though I was so anxious to share my story, that it is helping, confidence that our stories need to be shared because people are suffering in silence when it’s something millions are suffering with. Her words helped me feel like this was the very reason why something made me not hit ‘delete’ that day. I had been feeling weighed down by fear of judgement but today this lady’s words helped me too and I am so thankful to her.
I am overwhelmed that my story has had such a important impact to someone and it has given me the boost I needed to keep pushing through the fear and anxiety.
Keep sharing, keep talking openly, keep feeling the fear and doing it anyway.